Updated: Feb 28
The engagement is off.
As all of the "self-growth" books I've been reading, and the podcasts I've been listening to tell me, I don't owe anyone an explanation.
But maybe you can figure it out with my hip story.
It's not a "hip story". It's literally a story about my hip. (I mean, I am going to be 43.)
The first time I fell, it was because one of our dogs was off leash and t-boned me in a parking lot. I landed on the concrete. Hard.
Time went on, and I didn't do anything about it except limp and take Motrin.
The second time was a slip and fall. Same side.
Then the tingling started. Along with the pain. A trip to the ER.
An X-Ray here. A Cat Scan there. An MRI later. A trip to the physical therapist.
Low and behold: It wasn't my hip at all. It's my back: my L4.
Four is just about as many rings I've worn (though mind you: I've only been married once). I'm not Elizabeth Tayloring myself. And L can't possibly stand for anything other than Love. ;)
So the source of the problem wasn't what I thought it was at all. It wasn't my hip. It wasn't my L5, as the "experts" thought in the beginning.
The source of the problem was coming from somewhere else. Somewhere lower. Somewhere deeper.
At my core.
So...I needed to strengthen my core, as my PT told me.
But I also needed to strengthen my CORE.
I cleared my head by taking a break from drinking #sobercurious #hipsobriety, since I was numbing the physical and emotional pain of it all, and I instead decided to work through it all with my therapist - turns out the problem was WAY DEEPER than I thought
I started meditating every morning to Gabby Bernstein. Here's my fave:
I journaled and wrote and wrote and wrote (most of which will never see the light of day)
I wrote down an affirmation every day and repeated it to myself when I needed a breath during the day
I put a ceramic elephant (they bring good luck) in a yoga pose in my classroom; the students LOVE him (and sometimes they beg for a 5 minute meditation in class, which I'm happy to do)
I began Zooming with a group of like-minded women from around the globe
I read books like Brene's Rising Strong and Gabby Bernstein again (I mean how could I not choose the one book image with the word "hip" in the title?)
I listened to Glennon's podcast "We Can Do Hard Things"
I walked the dog outside to get back to nature
I treated myself to a massage
I made and ate family dinners again
I played Wordle and WordScapes with my kids
I cleaned closets and used Pinterest to inspire new interior decor - Thank you, Homegoods! (And yes a new TV will go above the chair, kids.)
I'm redoing my kitchen; here's my inspo compliments of Pinterest:
I binge watched "And Just Like That" (aka "Sex in the City") on Netflix along with "Grace and Frankie" and "Enlightened" on HBO Max
I did whatever made me feel good and took care of myself
Oh, and I booked a trip to visit my sister in Hawaii
All things my CORE had been wanting and calling me to do. And guess what? My life is becoming much more...joyful. I collect moments of joy. My CORE is getting stronger. I'm finding myself again.
As for my L4 core? I mean, I had to buy BioFreeze and Salonpas, and my PT told me to wear this brace thing, but those aren't as glamorous as Hawaii.
So I'm working on myself these days.
And it feels damn good. (Unless I'm standing for too long.)