A Little Banged Up
I cut my own bangs.
Here I'll point to my hack job.
It did not bode well. (Except for the Instagram reel.) Thankfully my amazing stylist, Voula at Figo, worked her magic, but said it'd be a "work in progress".
How much more metaphorical could this scenario be?
Life cut's you short. You seek help from a pro. Then it's all just a work in progress.
And I'm a little banged up these days. In more ways than just my hair.
The strand that broke my back was when my AC died.
Then there was the issue of how to pay for a new one.
Then money was keeping me up at night. And giving me chin hairs.
Then family was in town.
Then I couldn't find rides to get Lance to football because I'd taken on a summer job to save up...but now that money will go towards an AC unit.
Then.
Then.
Then.
But before the Then's, there were (and are) a lot of Before's.
Somebody once said that anxiety is when we're living in the future and depression is when we're living in the past. That's why mindfulness is supposedly helpful: to bring us into the present moment, but lately nothing seems to unclench my stomach. Or stop another chin hair from growing.
The Before's.
That's the heavy stuff.
I am a victim of many things.
Wow. I typed that. My therapist would be proud of me.
I will not go into detail about some things that I've endured.
We don't like to talk about it: all of the icky stuff that happens to us.
Instead we do this:
Seriously?
There are so many other words to describe our feelings within certain situations. Maybe we should try a few from Brene Brown's book "Atlas of the Heart":
https://brenebrown.com/resources/atlas-of-the-heart-list-of-emotions/
Where are you on this chart? Maybe that's what we should ask. Actually one of my colleagues put up a Burnout Chart at work and that's what she asks: Where are you today?
Yes. That's a much better question to ask. Not "How are you?" but instead "Where are you?" Visuals help.
It's also forces us to be present.
So this is up at work. And we ask one another. It's really refreshing to talk with others about the ick.
My last AP Seminar unit was about trauma and resilience. I knew going into this unit would trigger me, but I was prepared.
During this unit, the students have to do a lot of thinking, discussing, researching, writing, and presenting on this subject.
I'm so proud of my students. Their empathy and compassion for mankind. Their solutions to problems. Their endurance. Their ability to identify words that suit their days beyond "fine" or "good". (Though they need some prodding. They are teenagers after all.)
On the last day of school, one of my students gave me this book:
She gave it to me because she knew I was compiling current sources to teach the unit in the future.
Time + place + circumstance = when the Universe proves to us that it really does have our backs. #tickettoparadise
One the last day of school, having finished a unit that triggered me, a beloved student gave me this book. The Universe had my back.
The gist of this book by Oprah and Dr. Perry is that we often look at people's behaviors and think "What's wrong with you?".
The question should be: "What happened to you?".
Think on how that shifts everything. Here, I'll give you some time to reflect.
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Hopefully we'd see people with less judgment and more compassion.
I know personally that some of my words, actions, life choices, blogs/vlogs/reels incite some tittle-tattle: What's wrong with her? What was she thinking? Why is she doing that?
All the wrong questions.
There are only two people who have ever asked me What happened to you?
My therapist
My best friend
And neither has judged me.
God bless them both since His/Her judgment is the only one I care about.
A good listener should ask: "Do you just need me to listen with loving support or would you like advice after you share?"
I love that. Sometimes we just need to vent. Sometimes we need direction.
So when asked by a friend, I said, "Okay here's what happened. I just need you to not judge me and listen and hug me while I cry."
And she did.
Ah the power of a hug.
We're all a little banged up.
As I look at my bangs in the mirror right now, I'm reminded of the joke: Bangs? Cheaper than Botox!
They're actually growing on me. (Pun intended.) Without Botox, I'm able to fully express myself and all of my emotions including laughing and crying.
And let's not disregard nor undermine the WTF face I can make again without people noticing. ;)
Or with TikTok, Insta Reels, and Pinterest; I'm able to find clever ways to pull them back.
One day, I was trying something new with some bobby pins. Okay, a lot of bobby pins. And I yelled to the kids: "Guys, anybody see one more bobby pin anywhere?"
They did not. So I undid the do.
On the way to school, Lance said, "I swear to God, mom, if you'd found one more bobby pin I was going to say something about how bad your hair looked, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings."
And we laughed so hard.
Laughter: another Band-Aid to bang ups.
So when you get banged up and life cuts you short, get some help from people who love you.
And just remember: it's all a work in progress.
*This may not be my best blog and it may have a few typos, but I've got a Zoom with my therapist. I'll leave this blog on that note.*
XO,
Meg